Welcome.
A dense newsletter last week leads to another dense one this week. Our souls need balance, but you won’t find it here.
Let’s proceed.
We’re 10 weeks in. That’s a decade of newsletters. Well, almost.
Nobody tells you that having kids means molehills of shit strewn about every surface of your home. Figurines, yarn, Barbie, her swimming pool, soft-turned-hard stuff, scissors, bits of bits, and tchotchkes of various sizes and meaning. That’s having kids in a nutshell (or molehill).
Who would notice if I swept them away? She might, but we won’t know until we try. (Stops typing, grabs a trash can.)
Happy 10 weeks to us!
Tuesday
Issue 09 landed in your inboxes. My friend Tommy called me out for using the word adorbs three times. Then he said he has PTSD from when I used pandy a few weeks ago (short for pandemic). Puh-lease, Tommy, I’m a classy profesh!
Here’s proof. This visual from McSweeneys made me laugh so hard I cried.
Wednesday
There’s a woman who does boot camp with me and I don’t like her hair or the way she moves. Her rhythm is off. In contrast, I’m perfect.
Thursday
I went to a party, a real party. I put on makeup, heels, and wore feathers in my hair. I’m exhausted. Once I have profesh photos to prove it, I’ll share them.
Why the fuss? My friend and killer business lady, Alison, was celebrating 20 years in the event’s biz. If you’re organizing a wedding a) I’m sorry. b) call her if you’re wealthy. c) order her book if you’re not.
Friday
My hairstylist, Maya Batki, told me to watch Yellowstone. Western 👎, Kevin Costner 👎, no gracias. “I had the same reaction for years,” she said. She dove in and loved it! Perhaps I’ll follow.
If you need a haircut, but can’t get in, buy a hat. This SF-designed, Philly-made hat company has been around since 1895. It seems they’re doing something right. 🎩
Saturday
We made scrambled eggs this morning, but I thought you’d get more out of this no-fuss hard-boiled egg technique: eggs in a pot, fill with cold water 1” above the eggs, turn on the burner, set the timer for 15 minutes. Done. ⏲
Emma is vaxxed 2.0.
Sunday
Christmas in minutes (while the eggs cook)! 🎄
I bought a used, artificial tree. I’m not spending $100 to kill a tree that I toss at first light on 12/26.
This doll is up and down in a snap. I’m thrilled and I will now recommend artificial trees to everyone who will listen. #fakeisfabulous and I’m old.
Monday
I got this from a guy I trust, David Perell. Need to delegate? Try this:
Outline the vision: Write a few sentences or bullets about what, why, by when…
Share resources: List the websites, passwords, equipment, etc. they may need.
Describe your definition of done: What do you, the delegator, need to see to say, “Wow, this is successful!”
Tuesday
Well, people are still having babies.
If birth is running two marathons back to back, postpartum is placing a real-life baby in your arms with .2 miles to go. Help me, Rhonda!
My friend Annie just became a Postpartum Doula. Let her coddle you. She’s a beautiful soul. 🍼
Call, text, and tell her Simone sent you. I only recommend those I trust. 415-377-4466
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You can hire me to write for you. If you’re interested, please fill out this brief form. ✍️ Thank you in advance.
The End
Have a beautiful week, everyone.
Loooove Goorin. I just ordered my Cock and Goat ball caps. I need a new fedora though.