A No-Longer-Pending Friendship
Issue 124
Dearest friends, family, and utter strangers, welcome to Issue 124. Let’s get to it…
Each night, as I fall asleep, I repeat these words: 'Thank you for showing me the issue is already solved.' Naturally, you’re wondering, 'Which issue?'
There’s no one issue; I’m covering all the issues in one fell swoop, which conveniently ensures nothing goes wrong in my life. As if!
I find the words and the intention comforting, and you may, too. After weeks of practice, the phrase rolls off my tounge. Until then, and still, I have the words taped to the lamp beside my bed, lest I forget.
You can, too.
The moment I wake at 5:00 am, I repeat the words: “Thank you for revealing today’s miracles.” This one’s harder, and not quite so succint. The moment between unconsciousness and consciousness is clumsy. Sometimes the words vary, but there’s always a mention of miracles. Do you know your first thought when you wake? I challenge you.
Despite what you’ve been led to believe about miracles, they can be quite small. I’m training my brain to find them in the everyday. I bet you’re wondering, since I started the practice, do miracles happen and issues resolve? Why not try it for yourself.
Letters with John
John, my pen pal at San Quentin, is moving for the first time in over 30 years, to a new facility. At 74, his health is declining and his threat-level is low, so he’ll go to a medical facility in either Stockton or Sacramento—I think they keep you guessing until it’s over. His note form today:
Hi Simone, Medical Stockton, 2nd., SAC. Medical./////. It's been a long tiring day, but it's good to have a place out of S.Q. Row. I'm classified now as level 5, the row, I'm at level 2 when I get to the Med. Stockton., so the change will be overwhelming I'm sure, but ridding these chains after what seems a lifetime is the best. 3,4 weeks Simone. Security is tight so talking about transfers, when, how, is a no no, just be happy for my departure from the row. Went to legal afterwards, gave the information to legal, all good on that end. Let me send this, rest for 90m. cycle. Log back 5pm. J.
He sleeps in 90-minute cycles—he has since he can remember.
From an exchange last week, when the transfer was put on the table, he wrote:
(""_:). I go to Committee next Wednesday, Stockton? Medical place, it's level 2, so that's a position. The Sun will be a nice touch, sky, grass, no chains, fresh air, find a job helping, Veterans, Art program, American Indian group, whatever my Spine/Back can handle. Stay Vertical- keep positive- keep moving, ( use it or lose it ). I know, always check my 6). ("_"). Need 90m. J.
In response, I asked if there was a windows in his current cell (Emma wanted to know). That message is still pending, which means, the people monitoring our communication think I was casing the joint. If they only knew how unture that was.
Mill Valley Mom of Two Maps San Quentin’s Death Row is not a headline you’ll read anytime soon.
When our messages are blocked, I think, “Are you freaking kidding me—I’m censored for asking about a window!” Then, I recall, I’m talking with a man on Death Row—this isn’t just any communication. And yet, it is. We have a friendship. Our differences are fading and the words flow more freely now. His messages are less cryptic and I hear a person who nourished by our friendship.
Case in point, as I type to you, these words came in from him:
Hi Simone, I was letting the boy's know about today, saw your text. I like sharing, we're friend's staying in touch is important to me, having good people in ones life is nice. I've been boxed in mentally for so long thinking, there's nothing wrong with being alone. I've had my fill of being alone. Too much sharing? Back to a 90m. cycle. Log back 6-7 pm. J.
Too much sharing? Never!
I’ll have to ask who he’s referring to when he says, “I was letting the boys know about today.” He could mean his sons, though I don’t think he talks with them. He could mean his fellow inmates, though I don’t know if he talks to them either. I’ll have to ask.
Even a man on Death Row admits to accumulating crap. From an earlier exchange:
"√°_). Hi Simone, working sorting property, so much crap one accumulates over the years. I'll logon again later to see if you've sent a thought. Remember, always take a time for you. You have a way of doing for other's, forgetting /////, you know my thoughts on this. J.
I responded with, “We fill the space we have.”
I used to think it would be rewarding to communicate with a person inside San Quentin, but shopping a catalog of prison pen pals felt wrong. There’s no such catalog, that I know of, but something of its kind undoubtedly exists. Meeting John, genuinely and through my mom’s passing, is right.
(For the uninitiated: After my mom passed, I inherited a painting she bought at the prison hobby shop, because why not, and wrote a note to the inmate who painted it—that’s John.)
Speaking of my mom, this photo just popped up. We were in Tahoe for her 70th birthday, a year before her passing. April will mark three years. Losing her continues to be surreal—she was just here. ❤️
Someday I’ll tell you how beautifully they blended our families when they married in the 80s—a model for thoughtful family blending.
Oh yeah, there are miracles. You share them with us every week. 💜
The daily affirmations are an interesting thing to do. Thanks for sharing Simone!