Humor Me

Issue 15: Holy smokes!

Welcome, dear ones.

This isn’t humorous at all. I’m fascinated with the Ethan Crumbley case—the Oxford school shooter. I have so much sadness for him. Yes, him.

The students he killed, I could do a newsletter devoted to them. Family and friends will grieve forever. If I allow myself to feel for them, I’m crushed.

But, for now, I’m sad for Ethan. A neglected child with psychological issues. His repetitive cries for help were ignored. He was ignored. His parents are dirty folks.

All three of the Crumbley’s are at the same jail—apart.

His parents hired “celebrity” lawyers for themselves and left Ethan with state representation. His court-appointed legal guardian asked to have him transferred to Children’s Village, a juvenile facility. Denied! They’ll review this every 30 days.

Before being arrested, his parents drained his bank account. They were found with $6,600 plus ten credit and gift cards. They say they weren’t running.

I watched a bond hearing with Mom and Dad Crumbley. Their lawyers asked for a bond reduction from $500,000/each to $100,000/each. Denied. Flight risks. See above paragraph.

During the hearing, while the legal teams met in a breakout room, I watched Mom Crumbley communicate with Dad Crumbley. Mouthing, “I love you. Are you okay?” while making a sly OK symbol with her left hand. Dad Crumbley’s camera went black. Denied!

I’m sad for this boy. His parents have so much culpability in this case. He will be in jail for life. I hope they join him.

I’ll stop there. But, I could go on (and on).

It’s been about ten years, but I went through a several-year spell where I read prison books, lots of them. Often written by wrongly-imprisoned men, the allure was the mental stamina it took to withstand their circumstances.

Am I depressing you? Let’s move on.

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Pickles and Puppies

I have a pickle guy. His name is Manny.

He cooks delicious food (unfit for vegetarians like me) and does great deeds. While delivering home-cooking to a homeless encampment in Oakland, he rescued a litter of puppies—Doberman and German Shepard mix.

He found homes for two. There are more. Email me or DM Manny on IG. Puppies for everyone!

Also, keep your eye on this Manny guy. He’s going places. 🚀

Manny and one of the babies.

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Sister Time

I have two stepsisters, Mia and Jenny. Their dad, Michael, married my mom in 1985. I was 5 when they met. My brother was 8, and my two sissies were 7 and 9.

Step sister Jen just relocated to San Diego with her family. The three NorCal sisters (Aaron’s wife, Caroline, is also a sister now) visited Jen this past weekend to see the new digs. La Jolla is white, wealthy, and gorgeous. The ocean cures the soul.

Not to confuse you, but on the other side, my dad married Carla (no children). She’s been my stepmom since the early days, too.

I LIKE my family, genuinely!

L to R: Caroline Simone, Mia, Jenny (she’s the blond).

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I Wrote a Twitter Thread

A what?

A tweet is one post on Twitter. 🐦

A thread is multiple posts strung together on Twitter. 🧵

This one was on photo don’ts and dos of dating profiles. Hard-hitting stuff.

Here’s a highlight:

Guys, don't show a photo of you holding that fish you just caught. This is akin to you holding your penis for the camera (which is presumably why you're doing it).

Do show your style. If you're known for wearing socks with Bart Simpson eating tacos on them, show us. Actually, change your socks. But do show us something with personality.

These are the skills I’m learning during this period of exploration. Impressed? No? Okay. I understand.

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Thank You

I received so many wonderful notes following my admission of meh to start 2022. I’m feeling much better. Thank you!

Please, look at this sunset in La Jolla. How insanely beautiful.

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Writer For Hire

You can hire me to write for you. If you’re interested, please fill out this brief form. ✍️ Thank you in advance.

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The End

Have a beautiful week, everyone. Thanks for being here.

PS: If you’ve followed along, who wants to bet that Tommy calls me out for saying “sissies” instead of “sisters?” $5 bet.