I'd Like to Solve the Puzzle

Issue 22

Welcome, family and friends.

I have good news. Pat and Vanna’s contract runs through the 2023-24 season of Wheel. There’s still time.

When I was Emma’s age, we befriended a family in Hawaii who had won their vacation on Wheel. Foreshadowing. I’m gearing up to apply.

In their application video instructions, they tell you not to yammer on about how Wheel of Fortune is on your bucket list. But what if it is? They don’t want you looking like you just rolled out of bed—seems obvious, apparently not. And, don’t use your office cubicle as your backdrop. They’re ruing all my ideas.

These requests tell you a whole lot about their applicants, don’t they? Not me. I’m uniquely qualified for the job.

I promise I’ll do better than this contestant:

"Another feather in your hat, lap, map, CAP!”

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Kids Say the Darnedest Things

“Sell my eth.”

My 13-year-old son texted me this. No pleasantries, just a handful of letters grunted like a caveman.

I’m sorry, what?

I call him, immediately. “Hi, honey, HOW ARE YOU?” (a subtle suggestion for how we begin conversations in this family), followed by, “I’m not your bank.”

“Okay, hi, how are you, but crypto’s tanking.”

I say something like, “If I’m not mistaken, that’s when you hold. No? Buy low, sell high?” He mutters something about war and I say we’ll talk about it later.He held, but only because I’m not his bank and I don’t “sell eth” on command. It came up again last night so we sold his and I held mine.

You heard it here first:

“I just don’t think crypto is a stable currency.” —Owen Bailey Earnhardt

“I disagree.” —Simone (no middle name) Silverstein

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A Person President

Look at Ukrainian President Zelensky’s outfit. He’s a person, not a suit. 💙 💛

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Mentor (or Womentor)

I led my first mentor session for Write of Passage on Thursday. Put me in front of a crowd and I’m home. Still, I was nervous. The bar is high. While I’m not too shabby, my world is 90% improvised. When there’s planning, my mind blows 🤯.

I will lead a one-hour group each week for five weeks.

Hello, beautiful!

I begin every session with a blind contour drawing. This exercise makes me smile, always! And, the art sums up first drafts very well: resembles something, highly imperfect, needs polishing.

Next session we’ll cover: “Stumble verbs”—a series of verbs that seemingly makes progress, but takes too long to land. And, we’ll cover the presumed safety of word-hoarding—padding our points so as not to be too bold. I’m a former offender.

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Extra, Extra

I’m reading this book on integrity. What are you reading?

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January 6

I’m delighted each time a January 6-er is taken off the streets. It’s as if we’re cleaning up the United States neighborhood.

One lived in my town of Mill Valley, CA.

I know him loosely enough to know our town’s okay without him. But, he’s a father with kids my kids’ ages. They’re innocent. Their worst offense is having a dad who’s dumb.

The FBI wants him, but he fled to Belarus where he’s undoubtedly eating sausage breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

When I imagine the Jan 6-ers, as I do, they must have felt so free, so righteous, so vindicated. And here we are now, plucking them off the streets, one by one.

I want to ask them: Was it worth it?

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A Horse of Course

My latest exercise regime has me waking at 5:30 am and walking for an hour, wearing my puffer jacket and clutching my coffee.

Today, as usual, I stopped to see the horses on Horse Hill. I let one smell my hand and as I walked away, it bit my arm. The skin didn’t break, but I do have a large bruise and a good amount of soreness from the incident.

Shortly after, I rounded the bend and this view took this sting away (at least temporarily). Horse bites hurt.

The kids are tired of me asking if they want to see my horse bite. “I’ve seen it. It’s purple.” says Emma. But, I’m not done asking. 🐴

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✍️ As always, you can hire me to write for you. If you’re interested, please fill out this brief form.

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Love to U.