Kids don’t care about the same things we do—and you can’t make them. They don’t share our lived experience. No matter how logical your argument is—you can’t convince them to care about adult issues (issues you only know are issues now that you’re an adult). It doesn’t work.
If you persist, it comes at the expense of your relationship.
Seemingly daily, I learn this with my now-teenage son. My motto since deciding our relationship was more important than teaching him a lesson (a lesson he doesn’t want to know): “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”
In this version of parenting, I go against everything I was taught, and what society reiterates, and meet Owen where he’s at.
For too long, I argued with him about keeping his room tidy, as I called it. I didn’t expect miracles, but I did expect he kept it respectful—explaining his outside mirrored his inside, and there was no way I was accepting his insides looked like this! I’m giving you the light version. Suffice it to say, I tried every angle. Nothing worked. I grew more and more frustrated, and I’m sure he felt more and more ashamed.
I got real with myself at some point—none of my attempts were working. Out of options, I turned to another Simone-ism: “What happens if I do the opposite?”
The opposite meant cleaning his room for him (and would make my mom roll over in her grave). And so I did, and still do, clean his room every few days. I put the clothes in the laundry, stack the dishes and La Croix cans—plural, pitch the chip bags, hang the towels, and make the bed. It’s done in minutes, and everyone’s happier.
Get this—we never argue over his room, ever! We went from daily frustrations to zero friction (in this area—there’s more :) He knows I have his back, and if he doesn’t want me in his room, he can clean it himself. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.
Everything about my choice says I’m enabling his behavior and teaching him others will pick up after him. That may be, but I’m also telling him I love him enough to help him feel good and organized and to preserve our relationship. I’m willing to risk this is the message he’s taking away.
The moral: If you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em. We can guide our kids and show them we love and accept them as they are.
Check with me in a few years. I may be ruining him. In the meantime, life is more peaceful for all of us. I’ll take it.
Five Things
The Minimalists. Their newest documentary—Less Is Now—is worth a watch. The cliff notes: We have too much shit!
Taylor Swift is 34. I found out on January 29, 2024, when I thought to ask Emma about the significance of 1989. “She has an album called 1989. It’s the year she was born.” I’m sorry, what? She’s not 11, 21, 26?! Nope. She’s 34. Girl just got cooler in my book!
I’m reminded of the time I played Winnie the Pooh in a high school play (yes, Winnie the Pooh in high school). Weeks into rehearsals, a light turned on: Kanga, the mom kangaroo, and Roo, the baby kangaroo, together spelled Kangaroo. Did you know that?There’s a Sriracha shortage, and it’s not a supply chain issue. The partners had a falling out, and you’ll never get the actual Sriracha again—unless you buy it on eBay for $86.
If you have a Fortune magazine subscription, you can read the better-than-I-could-write article here. If not, here are the cliff notes:
Business partners for 28 years, David Tran (founder of Huy Fong Foods) and Craig Underwood (farmer) worked together exclusively. All of David Tran's chilies came from Craig’s farm. Craig’s sole customer was David.
In it together—mano y mano—for 28 years without lawyers or contracts, just handshakes and nods. In opposing versions of the story, their relationship ended one night, leaving Craig with thousands of acres of pepper fields and nobody to buy them. And David with a massive pepper factory and not enough peppers to keep it running.
Accusations, lawsuits, and beaucoup bucks later, Sriracha (as we knew it) will never be the same again. Different chilis means different taste, and the connoisseurs know it. The end. 🌶️Calm down with the sounds of forests around the world. There’s even a Chrome extension. Enjoy.
Google “Japanese synchronized walking” and see what you see. I could provide the link, but let’s see how badly you want it.
Thanks for tuning in. Your presence is a present. Until next week… Simone
Hey Girl- that was me, cleaning my teenage sons room for years…it made me happy and, yes, saved us fighting over laundry and dishes..so many people told me to stop, let him clean up after himself, but I chose to keep my own sanity and a clean house, and kept with my plan. Today, living on his own, Jack is fastidious about his apartment, cleans it daily and likes to have a nice organized home…I’m pretty sure I can take credit for that…and he still calls me to talk things out…win. Win!
When I read: “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” I wondered if you now mess up the house together 😂