Own It, and They Will Come

Issue 108

Nov 02, 2023

Dearest friends, welcome new and old. Let’s get straight to the hard questions…

How many rando newsletters can I send before I rename this bad boy Rando? If I were advising a brand on their newsletter, I’d nary suggest they write a bunch of recos, insights, and other hubbub without a throughline. But you see, meandering can be a throughline. Unpredictability can be predictable. It works because I commit to it, and you can too.

Didn’t Kevin Costner say, "If you own it, they will come"? Well, he should have, and it definitely applies to more than newsletters. So, own it, goddamn it! Whatever IT is.

Another thing I own: you won’t find me sharing Halloween pictures or trick-or-treat nonsense. I put the candy outside and went to bed at 8:15 p.m. I’m no Scrooge. I’m just not a Halloweener.

Except, Stephen got me to carve pumpkins last weekend because it was his birthday. 🎉

I looked like this the whole time. I stabbed mine with a probe and ended up with a measled pumpkin. While not nearly as detailed as his family’s, I get a solid P for participation (and polka-dot pumpkin).

Purse-istence

I chased a woman down in the Target parking lot, determined to find out where she got her bag. I ran away from Emma while she screamed, “Mom, don’t do it. Don’t do it!” She found out the hard way: I will not stop. If I see something I like, I will find out where it’s from (Stutterheim raincoat, anyone).

I caught the lady whose sneakers were Golden Goose, and I knew I was screwed. Before her mouth opened, I feared she’d say, “Oh, it’s Clare V.” And she did.

Naturally, I did my research, and a) It’s sold out. b) It’s available on Poshmark for $400. c) No.

I went on the hunt for a dupe because $400 is bananas. I found a new-to-me brand, Jenna Bee, with a smaller price tag and footprint. I sure appreciate she sells her imperfect pieces alongside her “perfect” ones. Also, her models hold chickens and ride horses, so you can be sure the bags travel well.

IG Underground

I’m losing interest in so many Instagram accounts. Here are two working for me at the moment:

Taichi Aretues: I don’t know what’s happening here, and I don’t care. Every day, he claims a new movement, done for just a few minutes, will change your body and you’re life. I’ve been doing this while my coffee brews, and I feel like a million dollars. I’m supposed to do it for 10 minutes—I do it for one. I’m dying! Dying! I dare you to try it. The first thing you’ll notice is you don’t move your body nearly enough. No matter how fit you are, I bet you’re not moving like this. Have fun!

Fit Green Mind: At 17, Maya began sharing her vegan recipes on Instagram. At 19, she has over 3 million followers (I know, who cares, but it’s impressive). She’s the opposite of an influencer, yet she influences me. Her recipes are good! And you don’t have to be vegan to enjoy them. Yum!

Tea Time

English people, cover your ears—this reco will get me in hot water.

Americans, if you like an Earl Grey in the evening, sans caffeine, order up this 100-count box of STASH decaf Earl Grey tea bags. Add some milk and honey, and sip in solitude.

English people, you can uncover your ears now. We’re done.

Security Feature

Do you use Apple Pay? If not, go here and get that shit dialed in. Life is easier with it, straight up!

If you’re already hip to the hop, listen here. Did you know the last four digits you see for Apple Pay transactions are the last four digits of the device account number rather than your credit card number? I bet you didn’t.

Multiple times, I’ve been confused when a tender asked if I wanted the money returned to my card ending in (insert a number that’s not mine). “That’s not my credit card,” I’d say. Neither myself nor the cashier would have an answer. Until one day, a cashier DID have an answer: “It’s a security feature,” he told me. Then I hugged him.

Because it’s my job to pass along little-known (often who cares) information to you, consider my deed done! The more you know. 💫

Brush Up

Here’s another, The More You Know! 💫

You receive an unordered package from Amazon. You don’t want the product, but there’s no return address. Nobody wants it, which is why it was sent to you. Scammers create fake orders, and because you’re a verified buyer, they can write a fake review using your information to boost sales (because nobody wants the shit they’re selling).

It’s called a brushing scam and has nothing to do with brushing your teeth (my kids have already tried that).

Thank you for being a devoted reader (I use devoted loosely—once is enough). I can’t believe you’re still here. 🙏